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August 29, 2004
funny cuz it's true
My Mom forwarded this one from my sis-in-law:
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE
>CONVENTION SCHEDULE
>
>New York, NY
>6:00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
>6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance
>6:35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
>6:45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
>6:46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really
>Necessary?"
>7:30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
>7:35 PM - Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
>7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
>8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next
>8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
>8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
>8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
>8:50 PM - Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
>9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' That Man"
>9:05 PM - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"
>9:10 PM - EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
>9:30 PM - break for secret meetings
>10:00 PM - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
>10:15 PM - Carl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
>10:30 PM - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: "How to Squint and Talk Macho
>Even When You Feel Squishy Inside"
>10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
>10:40 PM - John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity
>Belt
>10:45 PM - GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi
>Rice
>10:46 PM - Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"
>10:50 PM - Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
>11:10 PM - Hilary Clinton Pinata
>11:20 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
>11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
>11:35 PM - Blame Clinton
>11:40 PM - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
>11:41 PM - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
>11:50 PM - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
>12:00 PM - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary
>Overlord
-gg
Posted by gadgetgirl at August 29, 2004 11:13 AM